


the heaviest heart

by leiasfate



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Agony, Almost death, Angst, CADMUS - Freeform, Despair, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Green Kryptonite, Guilt, Happy Ending, Heartache, Love, Pain, Truth Serum, kidnap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-04-30 01:56:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14486295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiasfate/pseuds/leiasfate
Summary: “Today’s the day Supergirl’s darkest secrets are exposed.”Kara gets kidnapped by Cadmus, the organization that wants to expose her to the whole world. Her deepest secrets come out, and she’ll have to deal with the aftermath.Set after 3x15.





	1. Chapter 1

Kara felt terrible. Even though she tried to brush it off and smile.

 

She couldn’t let go of how rude and unfair she had been to Mon-El while under the psychic attack. After thinking about it for two days, she realized that everything she said didn’t even make sense. First of all, she complained about things that had happened before they were in a relationship. She had no right to do that. And she also said he didn’t apologize. That was so wrong. He had apologized for all of it, and she knew he was being honest.

 

_“I don’t think you get that I gave my heart to a lying jackass.”_

 

That was the part she regretted the most. Because it wasn’t true. Yes, he had lied about being the prince, but he was afraid of her judgement. He was afraid that she was going to treat him like garbage. And she had done it. She treated him badly under the psychic influence.

 

She couldn’t believe she said he disrespected her at every turn. She searched in her mind for any sign of that. When? When did he do that? Never. The answer was that he never did. She kept writing him off, and he kept proving her wrong. All Mon-El did was respect her, and uplift her when she was feeling down.

 

_“You have so much to offer to this world.”_

 

She remembered what he had said after she felt bad about Snapper. How could she dare to treat him so badly? To talk to him like he was worthless? She felt guilty. More guilty than she had already felt because of making him leave Earth.

 

He’d made her so happy. The happiest she had ever been on Earth. And it all changed. He couldn’t be the one to make her happy anymore.Not in the way she would want him to.

 

She saw his watered eyes, when she told him all of those horrible things. All she had wanted to do was to hug him, kiss his forehead and tell him everything was going to be okay. But she couldn’t. She wanted to ease her guilt, someway, somehow, but didn’t know how to. He said no more apologies, and she had to respect his wishes.

 

She had been honest to him when she said she’d been too busy romanticizing their relationship. She still did, sometimes. At night, she romanticized what might’ve been if she hadn’t given him up so quickly.

 

The ideas that came to her mind about comforting him weren’t appropriate, weren’t something ‘just a friend’ would do.

 

“Earth to Kara Zor-El. Wake up!” Alex snapped her fingers in front of her face.

 

“What?!” She jumped, startled.

 

“Kara, you zoned out like thirty minutes ago. Is there something wrong?”

 

“No, no. Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired, that’s all. I haven’t slept. Did something important happen?” Well, it wasn’t a complete lie.

 

“Not at all. J’onn was just giving us a pep talk. You know what? You should go home and get some rest. We’ll call you if something comes up.”

 

“What?! No! I can’t leave.”

 

“Yes, you can. And you will.” Alex stated. “Mon-El, make sure she does go home.”

 

Damn it. No way. She was still remorseful. And he would start bombing her with questions about what was wrong. She really didn’t need that.

 

“Sure thing. Come on, Kara.” He went to her side. “Let’s get you home.”

 

“It’s okay, Mon-El. You don’t have to come with me. I can go on my own.”

 

“I’m going with you, Kara. I just want you to be safe.”

 

She sighed. “Fine.”

 

They both flew towards her loft, as she fought the urge to leave him behind and speed up. He wasn’t even using a little bit of his speed, almost looking like he was floating and the wind carried him. It was pissing her off.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Uh, flying.” His eyes looked bright, the color mixing with the sky. Beautiful.

 

Kara then remembered she had to keep herself in check. Sh couldn’t stare for too long. Winn had warned her about the look she’d given him when he told her it was time to make her a Legionnaire. Apparently, it had been too much. But every time she tried to be cool, she failed miserably.

 

“But you’re too slow.”

 

He chuckled. “It’s because I know something’s bothering you. And it’s not just because you’re tired.”

 

“No. There’s nothing bothering me.”

 

“Kara—“

 

“I don’t want to talk about it. Please.” She cut him off.

 

“Y-Yeah.”

 

Great, they were back to square one. Awkward silence. Fortunately for her, the building was just in front of her. They landed in the rooftop.

 

“Thank you, Mon-El. You can go now.”

 

She could tell he was about to protest, but after a few seconds, he refrained from it. “I’ll see you around, Kara.”

 

She turned around to go to her apartment, her head still clouded with the look on Mon-El’s face when she called him a jackass. It was haunting her like a ghost.

 

She had to find a way to make him feel better.

 

There was no way she was going to sleep, she wasn’t going to lie to herself. And if she went back to the DEO she would get a lecture from Alex.

 

She decided to go patrol to clear her mind. And if later she found herself at the alien bar, it would be a coincidence.

 

 

As Kara flew over the city, a cry for help was heard.

 

“Help! Help me, please!”

 

She sped up towards the sound, and barged into what seemed to be an empty warehouse. There was no one in there. But she was sure the voice came from there. Her enhanced hearing never failed.

 

She walked cautiously, on alert. She tried to look through the walls, but realized they were laced with lead.

 

What was going on?

 

Out of nowhere, someone appeared in front of her. Before she could strike, the stranger injected something into her arm.

 

Then everything faded to black.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kara regained consciousness, her mind numb. She tried to move her legs and arms, but realized she had been tied into a chair. With Kryptonite chains.

 

She couldn’t believe she had fallen into a trap. Everything was turning out awful for her on the past three months.

 

The same person who had knocked her out appeared again, not bothering to hide his face. She couldn’t say she’d seen him before. There was nothing familiar about him.

 

“Who are you? How did you knock me out?”

 

“I thought it would be obvious by now, Kara Zor-El, that Cadmus isn’t going to stop until you’re destroyed.”

 

“Cadmus? But Lilian Luthor is in jail.”

 

“Why would that stop us? We’re a powerful organization. More powerful than you think you know.”

 

“What do you want from me?” She was enraged, but there was nothing she could do with those chains weakening her. They must’ve been made with a great concentration of Kryptonite.

 

“Oh, you’ll see.” He paced around the dim lit room. “You’re being broadcasted live to all of National City.”

 

She chuckled, but it soon turned into a cough, with pain all over her body. “Now that’s stupid. Someone’s going to find you.”

 

“Is that so? Then why hasn’t anyone barged in here already?”

 

She kept quiet, silently studying her body with her microscopic vision (or trying to, since the Kryptonite weakened her). As far as she could tell, there were lots of the green substance flowing through her veins.

 

She tried to break her ties, but obviously, to no result.

 

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you. You’re just wasting your energy. And you’ll need it, for what’s coming next.”

 

A feeling of dread filled her, but she couldn’t show it. Alex, Winn, Mon-El, and J’onn were probably watching. She needed to be strong for them.

 

The man approached a table and picked up a needle, smiling ironically. “Today’s the day Supergirl’s darkest secrets are exposed.”

 

“What is that?” She kept her voice neutral.

 

“This,” he waved it in front of her face, “is a truth serum. Especially made for you, Supergirl. You will be physically unable to say anything but the truth. And if you try to stop it, the pain it’s going to cause you will literally make you spit the truth out.”

 

Rao, what had she gotten herself into. All she could do was hope for the best, hope that he didn’t ask for her secret identity.

 

He injected it in her neck, and she immediately felt the liquid flowing.

 

“Let’s start with a simple question. What do you hate?”

 

She clenched her teeth, trying to hold back the answer. But she was unable to. “Myself. I hate myself.”

 

That wasn’t the response the man was expecting, given the brief shock that crossed his face.

 

“Very well. Why do you hate yourself?”

 

“Because—“ There was no way to stop it. “Because I made a horrible mistake.”

 

The man’s eyes gleamed maliciously. “What was that mistake, Supergirl?”

 

He probably thought she was going to say something about endangering the world. But oh, he was so wrong.

 

“I sent Mon-El away. I sent him away from Earth.”

 

“Mon-El of Daxam?” He was clearly getting annoyed with her answers.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why did you send him away?”

 

“Because I pushed the button to release lead into the atmosphere, in order to stop the Daxamite invasion.” She spoke through gritted teeth and eyes closed.

 

“You seem to be very hurt by that. By just one being. Who was he to you?”

 

“My boyfriend. I— I lo—“ She tried to fight it, her fists curled up and her nails digging into the skin of her palm. But the more she held her tongue back, the more she felt pain. It was like all of her bones were being snapped in half, like she was being crushed.

 

Then, a pounding headache took over her, intensifying everything. “AH! Rao, stop! Stop!”

 

“The only way to stop it is to speak truthfully. Go on, Supergirl. No one’s restraining you.”

 

“I love—“

 

Was she going to die? “I love him! Agh! I love him.”

 

She wanted the floor to swallow her. Everyone had thought she was getting over him, she had played the role so well. And her secret had been exposed.

 

“If you could go back in time, and do it all over again, would you push the button? Would you send him away?”

 

Kara knew the response to that question. There wasn’t a day that it didn’t cross her mind. Again, she fought against the urge to spill it out. The veins on her temple pulsated painfully. Cold sweat dripped down her neck. She shivered constantly, and her teeth chattered. The pain on her bones was excruciating.

 

She felt like her chest was going to explode.

 

“I— I— wouldn’t.” A pang on her chest. “I wouldn’t... push t-the b-button.”

 

“You would do anything for him? Even if it meant sacrificing other lives?”

 

Her body was ready to give out. It was too much pain. Her eyes were starting to close. “Y-Yes.” It barely came out as a whisper.

 

The last thing she heard before she passed out was a cold, vicious laugh.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

In her state of unconsciousness, she heard gunshots, walls breaking, people screaming. Then she heard the chains around her arms and legs breaking. But she was too weak. She couldn’t even move.

 

She opened her eyes, and was met with a concerned blue gaze. “M-Mon-El?”

 

“It’s me. I’m gonna get you out of here, okay? You’re going to be fine. Just stay with me.”

 

“I was hoping it’d be you.” She whispered, and darkness took over her again.

 

_”Kara!”_

 

 

 

 

Blinding white lights were the first thing she saw upon waking up.

 

“Am I dead?”

 

Someone gasped beside her. She turned to see Mon-El holding her hand, with tears on his eyes and cheeks. “No, you’re not dead. Thank Rao. I was so worried.”

 

“Hey, don’t cry. Please.” Her heart was breaking at the sight.

 

He shut his eyes closed for a second, making more tears fall. “I thought the worst, Kara. It was torture, we spent hours looking for you. I almost punched Winn because he couldn’t find you. You looked so fragile. I felt powerless, because I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry.”

 

She tried to shift her body so she was fully facing him, but the pain didn’t let her. She hissed. “No more apologies. It’s not your fault. I’m not going to die, I promise.”

 

He let out a cry, followed by multiple sobs. She didn’t know what to do. She’d never seen him like that.

 

“Mon-El, hey, look at me. Please.”

 

He looked up to her with despair.

 

“I’m okay. Nothing happened. I’m still here.” Her voice was soft, trying to soothe him.

 

“I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“And you won’t. I promise.”

 

Kara realized he was still holding her hand, so she brought his up to her lips, and gave it a soft kiss.

 

“Kara, I want to tell you something.”

 

“Shh, you can tell me later. You have to rest. Go, I’ll be fine.”

 

“N-No. I’m not leaving you.” His hand trembled.

 

“Okay. As you wish. But you have to sleep, okay? Go to the other bed.”

 

“No.”

 

“No?”

 

“I’m staying by your side.”

 

“Mon-El, you’re going to be here. I’ll be fine. I want you to relax.”

 

“Can I sleep with you?”

 

Her lungs and heart stopped working. Were her ears deceiving her? Did he really say that?

 

“What? Are you sure?”

 

“Please, Kara.” His voice broke. “I can’t leave you.”

 

She made space so he could climb on the bed with her, and he embraced her, holding her close to his chest. “Don’t scare me like that again.”

 

His arm circled her waist, while the other held her head. She inhaled his scent, and put her arm around his torso. 

 

“I won’t.” Her answer was muffled by the fabric of his suit.

 

Her emotions were a mess. So many things had happened in just a matter of hours.

 

 

Kara knew that when they both woke up, they would have to face the real world. She would have to talk about what she said.

 

 

But at that moment, she felt what she had thought was gone forever. She felt at home.


	2. Chapter 2

Kara opened her eyes again, surprised to see Mon-El was still there, holding her. He looked so beautiful, with his eyes closed and his hair falling on his forehead.

 

She couldn’t believe he was there with her. She had been dreaming about that moment for ten months: him sleeping beside her, where she could hear his heartbeat, where she knew he was safe. It made her forget everything that had just happened.

She reached out to touch his face. Her heart fluttered at the feeling of his beard under her hand, raspy but soft at the same time. She had to enjoy the moment, since it probably would be the last time she could touch him so freely.

 

Mon-El looked so stressed every day since he had come back, so tired. But as he slept, all she could see was peacefulness. He looked so relaxed. She didn’t want to wake him up, but she had to. They couldn’t be there forever.

 

Kara glanced at the clock on the wall, signaling that her heaven on Earth situation had to come to an end. DEO agents would start filling the building soon.

 

She sighed. “Mon-El, wake up.”

 

He stirred, but didn’t open his eyes. “You have to wake up, Mon. It’s morning.”

 

He mumbled something unintelligible, and pulled her closer to him. Her lips hovered over his neck, too close. Temptation began to grow inside of her.

 

_No, stop. He’s not yours._

 

“Please, wake up. People are coming to check up on me.”

 

Mon-El finally opened his eyes, with a little hint of surprise on his face. “Kara... I thought I was dreaming.”

 

She understood what he meant, and her heart shattered for the millionth time. She knew what it was like to think he was there with her and then wake up to an empty bed.

 

She pulled away to look at him. “We have to move.”

 

“But there’s something I have to tell you first.”

 

Her stomach lurched. Rao, it was obvious he wanted to talk about what happened to her. There was no way he hadn’t seen her secrets get exposed. She didn’t want to make things weirder between them.

 

“We’ll talk about it later, okay? When they let me leave.”

 

He sighed, and one of his fingers played with a strand of her hair. “Okay. I just want you to be fine.”

 

“And I will be.” He was still close. Closer than he should’ve been. She wanted to kiss him.

 

She got up from the bed, before she did something they (or he) would regret.

 

He got up, too, but hesitantly. They stood face to face, in silence.

 

“So, um...”

 

“I’ll go call the others to work on catching Pestilence. Be safe.”

 

As he left, she sat on the bed again. She felt cold, because his warm presence was gone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

They discovered a virus outbreak, which obviously meant Pestilence was on the move.

 

Kara thanked Rao for the fact that nobody had brought up what she revealed under the influence of the truth serum. She knew it was bound to happen at some point, but she preferred later rather than sooner.

 

Also, she had to work with Imra, of all people. Not that she hated her, but she wasn’t in the mood for awkward situations. And she hoped that the Saturnian was on the Legion ship when the broadcast happened.

 

Because she had literally said she loved Mon-El in front of the whole National City population.

 

Imra wanted to kill Pestilence. There was no way she was going to let that happen. No one was going to die on her watch. Not again. Mon-El supported her, knew that she could get through the human part of Pestilence.

 

That was all she needed. Nobody else mattered.

 

They would find a cure for Alex and Winn, without killing innocent people in the way.

 

But when the time came to confront Pestilence, she failed. Instead, she got infected. Mon-El helped her get up from the floor, and held her, shielding her away from harm. He held her until they had to go, because they had a cure. Everything was going to be okay.

 

But when they found Lena, hell broke loose. She had been hiding Sam. Sam was Reign. Reign had left with the other Worldkillers.

 

What a mess, honestly.

 

As they accommodated Lena in the DEO, Mon-El leaned against a wall, his eyes downcast, and then motioned for her to talk to him.

 

Kara walked towards him, while he entered an empty room.

 

“Mon-El?”

 

“You almost died tonight.” He didn’t look at her, directing his gaze to the floor, hands on his hips.

 

“I didn’t almost die. It was just a brief inconvenience.”

 

“Inconvenience?!” His head snapped up. “What if there hadn’t been a cure?! What then?!”

 

Kara was surprised by his outburst. She understood that he was worried about her. But he was on edge. For a moment, when he slept with her, she thought there was something going on. But she quickly pushes that through aside. He had seen her defenseless and weak, it was obvious he would be afraid. He still cared about her. As a friend.

 

He took a deep breath, calming himself. “I just... I just don’t want anything to hurt you. Ever.”

 

“Ah, little late for that.” She muttered under her breath.

 

“What was that?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Kara, about what you said last night, I—“

 

“Wait.” She interrupted him. “Before you say anything, I want to apologize. I know what I said was out of place, but I couldn’t control it. And I also want to say a few things, if you decide to push me away, because I know I deserve it.”

 

He was going to protest, but she continued before he could do so. “I didn’t mean any of those things I said when I was under psychic influence. I just said them out of anger. None of them are true. You were nothing but respectful and kind to me when we were together. You made me happy. The happiest I had ever been. And you’re a good person.”

 

She had to blink away the tears on her eyes.

 

“I know you didn’t mean it.” His voice was broken. “But I know you meant what you said last night. And I hate the fact that you think it’s your fault I had to go away. I told you to push the button, I told you it was okay. That was me.”

 

“Mon-El, it was me. You’re never going to change my mind. It was me. The only consolation I have is that you didn’t die. You found happiness, a home.”

 

Even though it hurt her that she wasn’t his home.

 

He cleared his throat, and looked away. “You said you love me.”

 

Her heart dropped. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I wish I could’ve stopped myself.”

 

Mon-El moved closer to her, his face inches away from hers. “Kara, I—“

 

“Guys! Come on, we have to go find Pestilence.” Winn barged into the room.

 

She followed him out, with more weight added to her shoulders.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After a very long, tedious battle, they defeated Pestilence. She was dead, and the human was safe. Unfortunately, Reign and Purity got away.

 

But at least they had one win.

 

The Legion was leaving. They had fulfilled their mission. They said their goodbyes at the DEO, but Mon-El wasn’t there. Kara supposed he was already in the ship, ready to take off.

 

He didn’t say goodbye to her. She wanted to scream, to cry. He was gone forever. And he didn’t say goodbye.

 

When Imra and Brainy left the DEO, she flew away to her loft. She wanted to be alone.

 

Mon-El had left a void on her heart, on her soul, and it would never be filled again.

 

When she got to the loft, she dropped on the couch and buried her face in her hands.

 

What was she going to do? What then? Yeah, sure, she had to defeat the two WK remaining. But after that, she had nothing left. Would she go back to focusing on Supergirl? She didn’t know. Although she really could’ve used a vacation. She’d been through hell and back in just ten months.

 

It was then that she finally let the tears fall. She’d lost everything. Everyone. What else was there to take away from her?

 

A knock on the door made her mind go blank. She stayed in the same position she was in, she had no energy to get up.

 

“Come in.”

 

The door opened, and she heard heavy steps coming towards her. It probably was James, trying to check up on her.

 

“James, I don’t need any—“

 

“Kara.” The voice made her get up from her seat, not caring about how she probably looked like a crying mess.

 

It was the voice she thought she’d never hear again.

 

Kara reached out with her hand to touch his arm, fearing he was going to fade. Maybe he was an illusion.

 

But he didn’t.

 

“Mon-El... but you were leaving. What happened? Did the ship break again?”

 

His hands were inside his pockets, and he let out a small chuckle. “No, the ship’s fine. The Legion left already. I just went there to pick up my stuff. I didn’t intend on leaving.”

 

“Why?” Rao, she was about to have a heart attack.

 

“I realized that I don’t belong there, in the future. That’s not my home.”

 

“Then what is it?”

 

He smiled sadly, and used his thumb to wipe the tears remaining on her cheeks. “Don’t you know, Kara? It’s you.”

 

“W-What? You... what about your wife?”

 

“I don’t have a wife anymore. You see, our marriage was arranged, in order to prevent an intergalactic war. But I was in love with you. Over time, I started caring for her, but not like a husband would. We never wanted that marriage. And we got divorced.”

 

“Why?” She whispered so softly that he wasn’t sure he heard. She couldn’t dare hope. She needed to hear it from him.

 

“Because you’re the love of my life. I can’t leave you. I love you. With everything that I have, Kara. I never stopped.”

 

Kara was speechless, something that almost never happened. She didn’t know what to say.

 

“I love you, and I heard you love me. So I want to take away all of your pain, and fill the rest of your life with joy. That is, if you’ll have me.”

 

He waited expectantly for her answer. She moved even closer to him, and intertwined her hands behind his neck.

 

“My love.” She smiled. “At last.”

 

Kara eagerly closed the distance between their lips, kissing him with a fervor she’d never felt before. Mon-El’s arms circled her waist tightly, responding desperately. Her hands traveled up and down his back, touching and feeling him, to make sure he wasn’t going to disappear.

 

She teased the tip of her tongue on his lips, and he made an agonizing sound as he let her in. She felt herself fall back into the couch as he climbed on top of her, while she kept exploring his mouth.

 

Mon-El’s fingertips traced her ribs, leaving goosebumps on their path.

 

She pulled away reluctantly, trying to regain her breath. “I love you, Mon-El.”

 

“Kara,” he was breathless, “I have wanted this for so long. To be with you.”

 

“I know.” She kissed him again. “I know. Me too.”

 

“I’m yours, Kara.”

 

Her eyes darkened with lust, hands moving to lift his shirt up and caress his abdomen. “Come here.”

 

He leaned down to kiss her once again, as she relished on the feeling of having him back. Soon, their clothes were discarded, and they moved to their bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Kara woke up in the morning to the smell of coffee and... bacon?!

 

She got up instantly and put on Mon-El’s shirt, running to the kitchen.

 

“Oh my God! Baaacooooon.”

 

Mon-El turned around, slightly disappointed. “No, no, no! I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed!”

 

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m sorry, love.”

 

He pouted. “Fine. But you’ll have to make it up to me.”

 

“Yeah? How?”

 

“Maybe a kiss would do.”

 

She obliged, touching his beard. “You know, I miss your baby face.”

 

He laughed. “You want me to shave?”

 

“I mean, I love the beard. But I also love when you don’t have one.”

 

“Then I’ll shave it as soon as I get to the DEO.”

 

Then, an idea came to Kara’s mind. But she wasn’t sure if he would accept. When they were together before, he had spent a lot of days and nights at her loft, but they never formalized it.

 

She looked straight into his eyes. “Move in with me.”

 

“W-What?” His eyes widened in surprise.

 

“I know that we still have work to do to defeat the Worldkillers, and I don’t know what the future might hold for us. But the one thing I am certain of is that I don’t want to be without you. I want to spend every single day and night by your side. So, what do you say, Mon? Will you move in with me?”

 

The brightest grin she had ever seen in her entire life formed on his face, and he hugged her tightly. “Yes, of course I’ll move in with you.”

 

 

 

For the first time in what felt like forever, Kara and Mon-El felt complete.

 

 

 

They felt at home, in each other’s arms.

 


End file.
